Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters

LONDON—As the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico entered its eighth week Wednesday, fears continued to grow that the massive flow of bullshit still gushing from the headquarters of oil giant BP could prove catastrophic if nothing is done to contain it.


The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

"Everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest," said BP CEO Tony Hayward, letting loose a colossal stream of undiluted bullshit. "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean, and the volume of oil we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total volume of water."

According to sources, the sheer quantity of bullshit pouring out of Hayward is unprecedented, and it has thoroughly drenched the coastlines of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida, with no end in sight.


Though no one knows exactly how much of the dangerous bullshit is currently gushing from BP headquarters, estimates put the number at somewhere between 25,000 and 70,000 words a day.

"We're looking at a truly staggering load of shit here," said Rebecca Palmer, an environmental scientist at the University of Georgia, who claimed that only BP has the ability to stem the flow of bullshit and plug it at its source. "And this is just the beginning—we're only seeing the surface-level bullshit. It could be years before we sift through it all and figure out just how deep this bullshit goes."

Congressional hearings aimed at stopping the bullshit have thus far failed to do so, with officials from BP and its contractors Halliburton and Transocean only adding to the powerful torrents of bullshit by blaming one another for the accident.

Along with the region's wildlife and fragile ecosystem, countless livelihoods have been jeopardized by BP's unchecked flow of corporate shit. Those who depend on fishing or tourism for their income are already feeling the noxious effects of the bullshit firsthand, as out-of-control platitudes begin to reach land and seep ashore.

"This bullshit, it's everywhere," said Louisiana fisherman Doug LaRoux, who lost his house to a tide of government bullshit following Hurricane Katrina. "It reeks. Big buckets of disgusting shit are oozing everywhere you look and I don't know if it's ever going to stop. I feel helpless"


Added LaRoux, "I never thought I'd be the victim of so much bullshit."

Observers have noted that after the Exxon Valdez spill in 1989, corporate bullshit gushed up like a geyser for two decades and didn't wane until the oil company had bullshit its way through an exhaustive process of court appeals that ultimately reduced payouts to victims by 90 percent.

Despite Hayward's denials that BP is at fault for the environmental disaster and his concern that it will result in "illegitimate" American lawsuits, the embattled CEO has still managed to trickle out a few last drips of bullshit sympathy for Gulf Coast residents.

"I'm as devastated as you are by this," Hayward said after a meeting with cleanup crews on Louisiana's Fourchon Beach. "We will clean every last drop up and we will remediate all of the environmental damage."

"There's no one that wants this thing over with more than I do," he added a week later, just absolutely defying belief with the thickest, most dangerous bullshit yet. "I'd like my life back."

Millions of Americans reported feeling ill and disoriented upon contact with that particularly vile plume of bullshit.

Many environmentalists, including Palmer, have called for a boycott of BP until the bullshit stops or is at least under control, but they emphasize that in the long term, Americans will have to change their habits if they wish to avoid future catastrophes.

"We must all work together if we're going to cure our nation of this addiction," Palmer said. "The sad fact is, the United States has been running on bullshit for decades."

The Onion

Tuesday's intriguing people - My boys :-)

Daryl Hall and John Oates

The Arizona Diamondbacks announced that the most successful duo in rock history has canceled its concert at Chase Field as a protest against Arizona's legislation to fight illegal immigration. USA Today reports that the performance had been scheduled to follow a game against the Dodgers on July 2.

Hall and Oates issued the following statement: "In addition to our personal convictions, we are standing in solidarity with the music community in our boycott of performing in Arizona at this time. We would like to emphasize that this has nothing to do with the management of the Arizona Diamondbacks, who have been professional and cooperative throughout our dealings with them. This is our response to a very specific action of the state."

USA Today: Hall and Oates cancel concert plans in response to Arizona immigration law

BP Chief: We Weren't Prepared for Gulf Spill

No shit Sherlock - and you still have an F'ing job??? Come on America - wake up and BOYCOTT BP!

BP fumbled its latest underwater experiment with the wild Gulf gusher -- just like every other endeavor the company has tried to fix the nation's worst oil spill and BP's chief executive said the company wasn't fully prepared for the disaster.

PENSACOLA, Fla. -- BP fumbled its latest underwater experiment with the wild Gulf gusher -- just like every other endeavor the company has tried to fix the nation's worst oil spill and BP's chief executive said the company wasn't fully prepared for the disaster.


First, a 100-ton, four-story box couldn't contain the spill because icelike crystals clogged the top. Then, a straw-like device that actually did capture crude was inconsistent at best. The supposed top kill -- shooting heavy mud and junk into the well -- couldn't overcome the pressure of the oil. And the most recent risky gambit ran into trouble a mile under the sea Wednesday when a diamond-tipped saw became stuck after slicing through about half of the blown-out well.

It took BP 12 hours to free the saw, and the company hopes to use giant shears similar to an oversized garden tool to snip off the pipe. However, the cut won't be as clean if successful, and a looser fitting cap will have to be placed over the spill.


No timetable was given for when that might start, a familiar refrain in this six-week-old disaster.

The Financial Times on Thursday quoted BP CEO Tony Hayward as saying it was "entirely fair" to criticize the company's preparations.

The newspaper quoted Hayward as saying: "What is undoubtedly true is that we did not have the tools you would want in your tool kit."

However, Hayward said BP had been successful so far in keeping most of the oil away from the southeastern U.S. coast.

"Considering how big this has been, very little has got away from us," Hayward was quoted as saying.

So far, each novel attempt to stop more oil from spewing into the Gulf has dragged on and misfired. All along, the company has been drilling a relief well, the best option at stopping the gusher -- but it's still two months away.

Since the biggest oil spill in U.S. history began to unfold April 20 with an explosion that killed 11 workers aboard an offshore drilling rig, crude has fouled some 125 miles of Louisiana coastline and washed up in Alabama and Mississippi. The well has leaked anywhere from 21 million to 45 million gallons by the government's estimate.

The latest attempt to stop it, the so-called cut-and-cap method, is considered risky because slicing away a section of the 20-inch-wide riser could remove kinks in the pipe and temporarily increase the flow of oil by as much as 20 percent.

And the situation on the water's surface becomes more dire with each day.

Oil drifted perilously close to the Florida Panhandle's famous sugar-white beaches, and crews on the mainland were doing everything possible to limit the catastrophe. Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen, the nation's point man for the spill, directed BP to pay for five additional sand barrier projects in Louisiana. Boats were also sent packing east, along with four helicopters to help skimmers spot oil threatening Alabama, Mississippi and the Florida coast.

As the edge of the slick drifted within seven miles of Pensacola's beaches, emergency workers rushed to link the last in a miles-long chain of booms designed to fend off the oil. They were slowed by thunderstorms and wind before the weather cleared in the afternoon.

Forecasters said the oil would probably wash up by Friday, threatening a delicate network of islands, bays and white-sand beaches that are a haven for wildlife and a major tourist destination dubbed the Redneck Riviera.

"We are doing what we can do, but we cannot change what has happened," said John Dosh, emergency director for Escambia County, which includes Pensacola.

The effect on wildlife has grown, too.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service reported 522 dead birds -- at least 38 of them oiled -- along the Gulf coast states, and more than 80 oiled birds have been rescued. It's not clear exactly how many of the deaths can be attributed to the spill.

Dead birds and animals found during spills are kept as evidence in locked freezers until investigations and damage assessments are complete, according to Teri Frady, a spokeswoman for the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration.

"This includes strict chain-of-custody procedures and long-term locked storage until the investigative and damage assessment phases of the spill are complete," she wrote in an e-mail.

As the oil drifted closer to Florida, beachgoers in Pensacola waded into the gentle waves, cast fishing lines and sunbathed, even as a two-man crew took water samples. One of the men said they were hired by BP to collect samples to be analyzed for tar and other pollutants.

A few feet away, Martha Feinstein, 65, of Milton, Fla., pondered the fate of the beach she has been visiting for years. "You sit on the edge of your seat and you wonder where it's going," she said. "It's the saddest thing."

Officials said the slick sighted offshore consisted in part of "tar mats" about 500 feet by 2,000 feet in size.

County officials set up the booms to block oil from reaching inland waterways but planned to leave beaches unprotected because they are too difficult to defend against the action of the waves and because they are easier to clean up.

"It's inevitable that we will see it on the beaches," said Keith Wilkins, deputy chief of neighborhood and community services for Escambia County.

Florida's beaches play a crucial role in the state's tourism industry. At least 60 percent of vacation spending in the state during 2008 was in beachfront cities. Worried that reports of oil would scare tourists away, state officials are promoting interactive Web maps and Twitter feeds to show travelers -- particularly those from overseas -- how large the state is and how distant their destinations may be from the spill.
Source

Tropical Storm Agatha blows a hole in Guatemala City

Hundreds dead as torrential rain sweeps Central America. Sinkhole in Guatemala swallows three-storey building.

Tropical Storm Agatha swept across Central America yesterday, bringing torrential rain that killed more than 100 people and opened a 60m-deep sinkhole in Guatemala City which reportedly swallowed up a three-storey building.


The first named storm of the 2010 Pacific season dumped more than a metre of rain in parts of Guatemala, also hitting El Salvador and Honduras. At least 113 people were reported killed, with around 50 missing in Guatemala alone as rescue workers searched through the rubble.

The 30m-diameter sinkhole opened up in a northern district of Guatemala City, with residents blaming the rains and substandard drainage systems. Local reports said one man was killed when the building was swallowed. In 2007, three people died when a similar sinkhole appeared in the same area.

Guatemala was the worst affected country, with a confirmed death toll of 92, although that is likely to rise when rescuers reach remote villages. Almost 100,000 people have been evacuated from their homes. Nine people were confirmed killed in El Salvador and 12 in Honduras.

"I've got no one to help me. I watched the water take everything," Carlota Ramos told Reuters outside her mud-swamped brick house in Amatitlán, a town near the Guatemalan capital.

Feds have launched criminal oil spill investigation, AG says

(CNN) -- U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder said Tuesday the Justice Department has launched a criminal investigation into the massive oil spill spreading through the Gulf of Mexico.


Holder said the investigation, which began "some weeks ago," would be comprehensive and aggressive. He promised that the federal officials will prosecute anyone who broke the law.

"We have begun both a criminal as well as a civil investigation as is our obligation under the law," Holder said. "We have what we think is a sufficient case to have begun a criminal investigation."

Holder emphasized that the investigation will cover all aspects of the oil spill, including the deaths of 11 workers in the April 20 explosion and fire on the Deepwater Horizon rig that started the leak.

He refused to name any potential targets of the investigation, saying, "I don't want to unnecessarily cast aspersions." However, Holder said "nothing is off the table" in the probe, and he cited false statements as one of several potential targets of criminal charges.

"This disaster is nothing less than a tragedy," Holder said. "As our review expands in the days ahead, we will be meticulous, we will be comprehensive, and we will be aggressive. We will not rest until justice is done."

Holder stressed that "anyone found responsible for this spill (must be) held accountable. That means enforcing the appropriate civil -- and if warranted, criminal -- authorities to the full extent of the law."

Among other things, Holder said Justice Department lawyers are examining possible violations of the Clean Water Act and the Oil Pollution Act of 1990. He also said prosecutors are looking into potential violations of the Migratory Bird Treaty and Endangered Species Acts, which provide penalties for injury and death to wildlife.

BP responded in a statement that it "will cooperate with any inquiry the Department of Justice will undertake, just as we are doing in response to the other inquires that are already ongoing."

Holder made the announcement during a visit to the Gulf to survey the BP oil spill and meet with state attorneys general and federal prosecutors from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi, according to the Justice Department.

Last month, a group of senators -- including Environment and Public Works Committee Chair Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-California -- sent Holder a letter expressing concerns "about the truthfulness and accuracy of statements submitted by BP to the government in its initial exploration plan for the site." They asked the attorney general to investigate possible criminal and civil wrongdoing.

In a reply to that letter last week, a Justice Department official refused to say whether a criminal investigation had begun.

"The Department of Justice will take all necessary and appropriate steps to ensure that those responsible for this tragic series of events are held fully accountable," Assistant Attorney General Ronald Welch wrote.

Holder said last month the Justice Department would "ensure that BP is held liable."

Boxer issued a statement Monday praising the criminal probe.

"In preparation for the Environment Committee's hearings on the oil spill, it became clear that BP's assurances that they could respond effectively to a serious spill at this site were totally at odds with reality," Boxer said in the statement. "What is happening in the Gulf -- eleven people dead, and an entire ecosystem and the jobs that depend on it at risk -- justifies a thorough criminal investigation."

CNN's Scott Bronstein and Aaron Cooper contributed to this report